Friday, March 27, 2009

Too Late To Apologise

Friday, March 27, 2009
*4 months ago*
The phone in my office rings, I pick up ‘Hello’, a voice at the other end ‘Hi Standy how are you?.. The sound is so familiar, really? You have the guts to call me.. I think to my self, shall i pretend that i am busy or listen to what she has to say?. I go along with the phone call, talked about many thing.. after 25 min, we end the call..

I don’t get it.. Today you call like nothing ever happened.. Like the past year and half of you being a total b***t to me was nothing.. Lets not go THAT far, a month back you send me a message filled with hatred and lots of words that really hurt me.. Did you call coz you realized that you missed me in your life? Or did you call coz you don’t have friends? I don’t care why you called, it took me so long to actually detach my self from you and move on and i will not allow you to be back in. You say ‘I miss you’.. what does it mean? You said ‘I miss my bestfriend’.. Sorry but you lost me forever.. Where were you when i was trying to for 6 months to get things back on its track, i take responsibility for whatever happened but it wasn’t entirely my fault, you are to blame for many thing and for actually making it worse.. Not coz today you realized that you lost something good in your life that you think you can get it back. Life doesnt work that way..You know what they say ‘Sorry isn’t an excuse when you do something stupid on purpose’.. You say you are sorry.. I feel the sincerity in your voice, the honest words that are pouring out of your mouth, the fact that you admit to whatever you did wasn’t worth it at all.. But after what? I waited for this apology and it took you a year to come and tell me.. I'm sorry, its too late to apologise.. I wont say it means nothing to me for you to apologise but certainly it doesn’t affect my life in anyway and it doesn’t have much of a value now.. In the end, I just want to say that i forgive you for whatever you did.. I forgave you long time back,, I forgave you the moment i decided that you are out of my life.. On a last note, please stop being extra nice to me, coz it wont get you anywhere. I am not ready to fall back on the familiar track that we once walked in. It will take you more than just a sorry to get thing better between us. The wound has healed but the scare is still there and i have no intentions to make another one next to it..

*present*
That was 4 months ago, yet you still keep coming into my life.. every now and than i see you.. You are being extra nice and always offering to be there for me.. i feel sorry sometimes.. I try to think if i can take you in as friend.. but i feel so empty and i really dont have anything to offer.. You called me again 2 days back and you talked for along time about a dream that you had about me and we were happy in the dream and you were back to being my bestfriend.. sigh.. i am getting mixed feelings about this.. Not sure what to do.. all i know, i cant be what you ask me to be..

14 Voices:

3anooda

i know exactly how u feel - i always say never try to fix whats already broken.

Candy

some ppl doesn't deserve another chance,especially if they 6a7oo mn 3ainee 5ala9 its the end,but again it DEPEND on what they have done 2 me,in ur case,i don't know exactly what ur going through,but it seems bad @@! do whatever u see its good 4 ur own sake,...

No identity..

Indeed its too late... After all this time, she does not earn a next chance… specially since she was *the best friend* … Dear, I am sure this makes you see who exactly she is… and only you can decide how much space she should have in your life?..

Another-Penelope

I guess I'am in ur friend's position I had done some bitchy thing to my old bestfriend, I had a dream of us that she forgave me and were back to normal when I woke up I cried and wish it just happen already but then I couldn't even want to call because I don't wanna hurt her again, I feel you walla but I do feel ur friend's too people change when they grow up u know

Another-Penelope

I guess I'am in ur friend's position I had done some bitchy thing to my old bestfriend, I had a dream of us that she forgave me and were back to normal when I woke up I cried and wish it just happen already but then I couldn't even want to call because I don't wanna hurt her again, I feel you walla but I do feel ur friend's too people change when they grow up u know

ĐǻñĎõøðñ

i love standy ;**

desertpalms

aw =( reminds me of a post i wrote couple months back..its hard when its someone you cant take out of your life, someone who youre always going to see, whether its unintentionally or because you have mutual friends etc etc

if you think she wont let you down again, maybe you should give her another chance to make it up to you...after all theres so much history between you two and it was your BEST friend after all..maybe take it slowly and keep her at a distance until she wins back your trust

otherwise, if shes only going to bring you more stress and heartbreak then maybe you/she should just admit youve changed and grown apart and that its best to let go once and for all

=hope you feel better, i dont like reading that youre upset =/

tell s.a to look after herself =( for me?

p.s the new layout gave me the shock of my life ! hehe it was like returning home to find that everythings changed..but now i got used to it, i likee it!! =D

Mean B

I hate such people they treate you like shit then they ignore you for many year then suddenly from no where they show up again like nothing happend.

i went through that once had a closs friend once we were cool together suddenly she started acting wierd and stabed me from my back . then 1 month ago saw her some where and started talking to me like nothing happend.

Karamilah

shattered glass can never be fixed not even with glue

Stand-Alone~

3anooda: Very true!!


Candy: Thankx doll *hugs* inshallah all will be for the best


No identity..: sigh.. i am still trying to see if i can even give her the space in my life!!



Another-Penelope: people change true, i did change and she should prove to me that she changed too.. not by a dream wala a phone call!!



ĐǻñĎõøðñ: 7abibty wallah.. i love you more ya galby... *HUGS*


desertpalms: It is hard, we have many mutual friends.. 5 years is a long time you know!.. Gave too many chances, not thing was doen expect i got hurt more.. its too late now to say sorry.. i dont think my heart can afford to give her a chance at the moment...


AWWWWWW 7AYATY DEZE.. dont worry,,, standy is back and happy =D.. for my twin i would do anything ;)

=D glad you liked my new layout!!



Mean B: tell me about it.. i just hate the act as if nothing happened!! sometimes you just wanna slap sense into them!!



Karamilah: wow.. well said and it does sum it all up!!!

Queen

Always think with ur mind not ur heart.. I totally understand what u r going thru.. Well said

Stand-Alone~

Queen: Hmm i like this.. true, think with your mind and not heart.. thankx babe =)

ex-Sexy LipS

Honestly I was shocked reading what you have wrote it in hear... somehow reminds me of same situation i went through...what i want to say is that sometimes is worth to give it another chance... true what's broken can’t be easily fixed but at least to say you have gave it a shot!!

This time will be strange to u for sure and for her as you'll be more cautious dealing with her.. you won’t be who you were zamaan

Stand-Alone~

ex-Sexy LipS: i will see how it goes.. bas i dont think so..

 
Stand-Alone~ ◄Design by Pocket, BlogBulk Blogger Templates