Saturday, May 12, 2012


Saturday, May 12, 2012 14
I was about to sleep when I received a call.. +44.. what tha.. it’s close to mid night.. Allahuma ej3alhu 5airan..

“hi is this 7anan?” a female voice asked
“Yes, this is 7anan, who is this?” I replied back
“This is Muna”
“Muna who? I don’t know any Muna” I say with absolute confusion in my voice
“Mansoor’s ex fiancé”

I was taken aback by that remark, what the fuck is going on.. that was Muna, Mansoor’s ex fiancé!! She is calling me??. I think to myself, I am not in the mood to play games..

“Why are you calling me?”
“I was just wondering how can you be engaged to a man that I am also engaged to?”
“What are you talking about? That cannot be possible.. He told me about you and you two broke it off long time ago”
“did he specify a reason?”
“He just told me that it didn’t work out, why on earth are you even asking me these quesiotns?”I am starting to get pissed off and irritated..

“I have a question for you, where was Mansoor last week?” she asked
“He was in Europe..” i replied with a certine degree of confusion
“Wrong, he was in my bed!!!” i could feel her smiling as she said that sentence..

By now, I am starting to lose my mind and the sense in this world.. what is this women talking about..

“Listen, you seem like a nice person and a nice girl.. but I just want to tell you that your fiancé is still in love with me and we are still an item, the only reason he wants to marry you is for the public picture, you know his post in the community and what people sees him as, you are only a mistress to him and I am his lady”

“Are you kidding me? What the hell are you talking about? What exactly are you saying?”

“Let me put it for you in simple words so you can understand me.. I heard he got engaged but then he didn’t act like one.. We are always together and he is always with me.. He doesn’t act like he loves you and I know you are only a prestige in his life but I felt like you should know what you are getting yourself into.. every business trip he takes, he somehow ends up in London with me..”

“You are lying” I said, I couldn’t grasp the amount of information she was giving..

“why would I lie, listen, I am not even the one who is running after him or asking about him, he calls me and smses me all the time and he always asks to meet me in my place, if he really cared about you he wouldn’t be sleeping with me a month before your wedding”

A moment of silence passed, there was nothing else I could say..

“Shoofy” she said “I am giving you this information and you can do whatever you want to do with it, you want to marry him, go ahead if you want to break it off its up to you, all I can do to support my words is send you evidence then maybe you will believe me, and the ultimate prove will be you asking him, Where were you 3 days ago?”

“Don’t you have any sense of self respect?” I just couldn’t believe how casually she spoke about her affair with him..

“Hey, he is my boyfriend, in what world do you live in? its called the art of loving a person.. not all of us are backwards and reserved like you!!!! do you really think when he asks to meet me in my apartment we are going to tell each other bed time stories? In all fairness he tried to resist me at first but then again he made the first move”

“Don’t ever call me again”

“I wasn’t planning to, I will just send you what I promised and it’s up to you… Have a nice night 7anan”


……… and the line went dead..

*incoming messages*
Screen shots of his number and smses to her

First message:
Baby I need you..

Second message:
I can’t wait to have you..

Third message:
I am in bed waiting, where are you?

Fourth message
I deleted the rest of the incoming messages.. How can all this be true..

Incoming call --- “Mansoori 7ayati”

I pick up
Mansoor: “3omri I miss you”
“I have a question for you, and I need an answer” I said firmly..
He sensed the seriousness in my voice and he immediately said “sure baby ask”
“Did you sleep with Muna 3 days ago?”

Deep heavy silence.. seconds passed by as if they were hours..
All he could say was
“It was a mistake”..

Those words felt so heavy yet so light, as if a weight has been lifted off my chest..
I said to him
“We are over and don’t try to call me again”

If miss calls and messages could burn a phone, I think my phone would have been charcoal by now.. It’s been 2 weeks since this incident and he still calls.. Funny thing is, whenever we used to fight before, he would come home and talk to me alone or my parents,, but since this confrontation, I haven’t seen him coming.. he never stepped in my house nor called my parents.. I guess he really has nothing to say..

He kept calling daily and messaging me always, funny what his messages say, here is an example of the many..
“Please pick up, we can work things out”
“Please don’t tell anyone about why we are fighting, keep it between us, let it be our secret and we can get over it”
“My mom cant know why we are fight, please pick up”
“What will the people say if they hear your story, you will be ruining a life, pick up and let’s talk like two matured adults”
“I need you in my life, don’t leave me like this, I swear its one big misunderstanding”
“The other girl means nothing to me, people do makes mistakes, it’s not a big deal”

I talked to my best friend and she says
“give him a chance”

I talked to my mom and she said
“el rijal may3eebo shay- Nothing can make a man wrong”

I talked to my brother and he said
“well, he is a man”

Ladies and gentleman, this is the community I live in.. If I was sleeping with a guy I would have been an outcaste by the community and treated like a disease..

Whoever I talk to, they say “go back to him, give him a chance” oh did I forget to mention that he is so rich?? Like SUPER rich??

What do you think I should do??!!

(Based on a true story that actually happened 2 weeks ago, the girl doesn’t want him but her friends and parents insists she goes back to him and marry him)

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Morals, Manners and Focusing

Saturday, May 5, 2012 7
I donno what is wrong with me these days,, I seem to have lost my manners and morals.. Not really loose them but they kinda get frozen in the current situation then when all is said and done, I wonder like why did I ever do that..

Example: a friend introduced me to her mom,, I didn’t stand to greet her and I was like “sup, how are you doing?” like WTF since when? Where is the manner? Where is the respect.. I really have no idea what was going on through my head at that moment and I really wasn’t thinking.. I was flabbergast by my action. Honestly I have no idea what happened there.. It’s like I was playing tough or saying I don’t care.. I really can’t understand why I did that.. Next thing, I told my friend where is your mom I need to talk to her, so she points out her mom again, and I go to her mom and I apologies and I ask for her forgiveness and I said sorry and I really donno what got into me..

These days I’ve been acting a lot out of character it’s like I can’t control the outcome although I know what is the correct thing to do yet I don’t seem to follow it..

Another thing, I don’t seem to able to focus.. When people talk to me, I tend to forget about it and I wouldn’t even remember who it was or what the hell I was saying.. I have a memory span that is worse than a gold fish.. I really don’t know what is wrong..

2 problems I am dealing with right now. The lack of my morals and manners response and the focusing issue.. and i still cant connect to people much.. i feel like i am suffocating when i do that..

You’d say maybe I’m thinking a lot or have a lot in mind, it’s quite the opposite.. Everything is falling into place and things are getting better..

I need my doctor..

Somebody HELP ME

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